ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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