I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
