ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
