Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
