You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
