so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
