I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
