I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
