The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize