If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
