i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
