i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
