I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
