I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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