It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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