i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
