what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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