Girls should come with a carfax report
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
