Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize