A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
