Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
