1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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