Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
