So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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