the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
