Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
