Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
