Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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