He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
