so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
