Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
