Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
