and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
