so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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