hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
