She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
