I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
