Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
