If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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