You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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