You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
