sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
