so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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