Need sex. Gaining weight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Randomize
