I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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