Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
