its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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