My room smells like vodka and shame
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hippo gnu deer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
