you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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