Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize