You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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