Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
