im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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