im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everything about him screamed your future.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love having hate sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
