Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
