I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm getting married
To pizza
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
