If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
