sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
