Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
