even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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