last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
