My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
