But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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