I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
