she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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