operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
