You really coming over, don't trick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
