I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The uberlube is also flammable
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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