Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I puked a lego.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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