I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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